Q20





I had some idle time in my little doll house here in Chick. Self induced. I forced myself to stop thinking for a little bit. I drank a couple of Corona lights, and was in the bathroom pissing, and as I stood pissing into the clean white porcelain bowl, I was eye level with a device my son had left here; it’s called the Q20.
It is a small red orb that fits in the palm of your hand.
It is essentially a modern day equivalent of the magic 8 ball. It’s electronic; it in theory will guess a thought in your head within twenty questions. Guess what? It’s right 90% of the time.
It has guessed snot, grass, vomit, a giraffe, cement, the sky, an arm, a hand, a corpse.
So I, on my “break” from “thinking”, I asked it to guess something.
It starts, on its digital display, by asking:
Animal, vegetable, mineral, or other?
I put other.
Is it flat? I put no.
Is it hard? I put sometimes.
Could it be found in a classroom? I put yes.
Can you play with it? I could go on and on about this, but I put no.
Can you put something into it? No.
Does it use electricity? I struggled, but entered no.
Is it found in a desk? No.
Does it shine? Oh yes, it shines.
Does it come in a box? Women seem to think so, but I put no.
Do you hold it when you use it? I have to say no. But I have.
Is it smaller than a loaf of bread? Not applicable, so no.
Is it manufactured? Well, you certainly have me there. But I will have to say no.
Is it heavier than a pound of butter? Again, N.A. no.
Is it something you bring along? I must say, sometimes.
Do you use it at work? Use it? No.
Is it small? Absolutely not.
Is it usually visible? Oh yes.
Would you use it daily? Would I? You mean do I? Oddly put, so no.
Does it bring joy to people? Yes with a capital Y.
Then its 20 questions are up and it takes its guess.
Is it a rainbow?
Sadly, how close you are my little plastic friend but no.
Then it asks:
May I have five more guesses?
Of course, go ahead.
Is it heavy? Let’s not over think, so no.
Does it live outside? Way off, no. It’s not going to get it.
Can you find it in a church? Uh Oh, shit, what the fuck? Yes.
Do most people use this daily? Yes, yes they do.
And then the last question stopped me in my tracks.
Can it bend without breaking?
Oh fuck. What the fuck. What the fucking fuck. Of course it can, it’s what it does, it’s what makes it what it is that is nothing else, and so I answered, yes.
And then it asked me, this little plastic thing, it’s LED blinking and struggling to complete its task from a lack of battery power, it asked me;
Is it love?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
It got it. Fucking love.
And then a funny thing happened, it broke. It made a weird high pitched squealing sound and I couldn’t stop it so I had to put it outside in the pouring rain. Sorry.
It blew up. I’m not making this up. It short circuited. Most assuredly a silly coincidence, but you know, still.
My little funny plastic red orb. I didn’t mean to break you.
But then, love broke me too.